Where Have I Been? Out!

I haven’t been blogging, but I have been running. Just not running and blogging :)

Let me go back a bit- the day after I posted my last entry, I ran for a whole mile, non-stop. Yeah. I was pretty surprised, honestly.

It happened like this; I went to the gym with my friend Neya, and as per usual, got up on the treadmill. Started going. Huff huff, puff puff (sorry, there was nothing to pass). And after a few minutes, I was done running. My ankle hurt. I was a sweaty mess of frustration. I was like, dude, this sucks.

I got off for a few minutes and stretched that damn ankle. It worked alright. Got back on. Walked some more. Then upped the speed, but not too high, and did a slower paced run. And kept running. And kept running. And… kept… running.

AH-HAH! I thought, thrilled; I have found the answer! I just need to… *dun dun dun* SLOW THE EFF DOWN.

Yup. That’s all I needed to do; slow my roll, and just maintain the running. DUH. I can’t go balls out because my body is just not ready for that yet. And here I am, all about listening to my body, and here it was, practically screaming at me, hel-LO Jenna, slow down! and there I was, thinking that speed was super important. Ok, maybe speed would be important if I were running, say, from an attack of brain-sucking zombies, but since I’m clearly NOT (good thing, too, being on a treadmill and all), then speed is NOT important… yet. Someday I will focus on how fast I can go; right now I just need to focus on just going.

And the going is sloooooow.

Fine with me!

And just so you don’t think it was a fluke or anything, the very next day, I went and did it again!

Then came THIS week. THIS week was bad. Sunday was my day off anyway, so I did not go. Then on Monday I awoke feeling blah. There are many factors to the blah’ness, but suffice to say, I was blah enough that I decided I wouldn’t go. Should have gone, but didn’t. Should have gone because on Tuesday, I awoke feeling utterly wretched, and there was no way that I was going that day. Damn.

On Wednesday I went, but felt bogged down. I think it had a lot to do with not going for three days, and I know that there were a few other “personal” reasons, so I barely slogged my way through two miles, walking and running.

On Thursday, I went again. I did better, ran almost a mile non-stop, did my three miles and some change. Was feeling antsy and weird. Didn’t quit, exactly, but neither did I put forth my BEST effort. I knew this, kicked myself over it.

Today I planned to go, but do you know, it’s grocery day. After spending two hours in Cost*Co, wheeling around a heavy, awkward, bulky shopping cart- then coming home and dumping it all off- then heading to Target to do some more shopping… yeah, not feeling the gym so much!

Ok, so only two days this week. Not good. However, I feel alright about it. I’m not happy with it, but it is what it is, and I can’t change it. That being said, I’m not worried about how it’s going to affect my overall performance. I can feel that I’m doing better every time I go. I know that next week I’ll pick it back up again.

My head is very much in it; I’m pretty focused on my next step, my next goal. I’ll be going tomorrow morning, missing Sunday, and picking up the routine again in full on Monday.

I’m pretty excited! Less than one month to go! I can’t wait!

 

Building Blocks

Before I get into this, I want you to know that I am feeling pretty good- I’m not down on myself, and I’m not feeling disheartened. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the short amount of time I’ve been doing this, and I want to see how far I can go. This is something I want to be doing years and years from now.

That being said, it’s been on my mind that maybe I’m not going to be ready to run the 5K in February. No, that doesn’t mean I’m in any way quitting, and of course I’m still going. I’m excited to go. The thing is, I’m not sure that physically, I’m going to be ready to run this 5K.

I haven’t made it a secret that I’m overweight. It doesn’t bother me so much as it slows me down and wears me out. I’ve been overweight for years, by about forty-fifty pounds. It’s been fourteen years since I was at my ideal weight, and for all this time, I’ve been carrying around this extra weight.

I don’t know if I can explain what it feels like to have your mind and heart willing, but your body just not there yet. It’s not that it won’t ever be ready; it’s that it isn’t ready right now. I struggle so hard every time I run; I get worn out so quickly. Most of the time I manage to suck it up and keep going, sometimes not so much.

I feel like I’m building my body back to health, almost from the ground up. I feel like it’s performing as well as it can under the circumstances, and frankly, I’m astonished and thankful that it’s doing as well as it is! I’ve been adding more to my work outs, doing more than I could have at the beginning, building my strength and endurance, but it’s slow going. I’m not sure what my expectations were, exactly, but I’m ok with where I’m at right now.

I still have one month, one week, and one day til the 5K, and between now and then I’m going to do everything I can do to make myself ready to run it. My ultimate goal is to run the whole thing; I will settle for finishing it if I’m not quite there yet. I know I can do it, run one, but I’m not positive that I’m going to be physically ready to do it in February.

I hope that this doesn’t read like a cop-out. I don’t feel discouraged at all. I feel confident that I can do this, even if I don’t do this one the way I want to.

It’s only a matter of time, really…

 

The Only Unoccupied Treadmill

I arrived at the gym when things were in full swing, and aaaaaall the treadmills were taken- save one. The one on the very end, the one closest to the doors, the one that everyone sees when they come inside and head to wherever they’re going. I really don’t like that one. I guess because I’m still a little self-conscious about what “other people” think when they look at me. So everyone who’s coming in, or going out, walks next to that treadmill, always looks at the person on it, and today that person was me.

Yay.

Well, whatever, I thought as I mounted it. Either I can dilly-dally around and wait for someone else to leave, or I can get straight to it. I decided to get straight to it.

Still focusing very much on my stride, I started off. And then I realized something cool- there is a mirror right next to the treadmill, on the door that leads to the Big Boss’s office. A full length mirror. And I’m right next to it, in perfect position to check out my stride, and see if I’m doing it right.

I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing quite like checking yourself out when you’re running.

It definitely was a help in making sure I’m landing right. I can see that I need to work more on the heel-to-butt thing and more of a forward stride. I’m doing alright, though. Minimal pain in my ankle, and I feel better running altogether.

I think I might pick that treadmill again tomorrow…

I have two goals in mind for next week (and beyond); the first is going to be more about distance than time. A 5K is 3.1 miles and so far, I haven’t cleared 2.3 miles on the treadmill. I need to focus on making that distance; the race is about six weeks away. I usually give myself 30 minutes total on the treadmill and when the clock winds down, so do I. So I think it’s time to move forward with the distance thing and worry less about how many minutes total I’m running each day. Of course I’ll still keep a record of it, because I’m curious, but if I don’t start hitting that 3.1 mark, I’m going to be in for a surprise when I actually go do the 5K!

The other goal I have in mind is to start incorporating weight lifting into my workout. I know that I said I didn’t care about my weight so much as I do my performance, and getting healthier, but honestly, the weight is a strain on my frame and it does need to be reduced. I know that doing weight lifting and cardio helps with weight loss. And I’m feeling pretty good- my energy is good, my motivation is solid- I think I can do it now and not feel overwhelmed.

I also really like the Stairmaster, and want to add that to my workout three times a week.

So that’s where I am today! Today was a GOOD day :)

Up and Up She Goes…

I didn’t go to the gym early this morning. My second daughter (we’ll call her “Beta” [she’s 11]) has been ill and was up last nite. I had to tend to her (that whole parenting thing, you know), so when four:ten rolled around, I yelled NO! and went back to sleep.

Ok, I didn’t yell… I mumbled “… not going… too tired…” to The Man and promptly passed back out.

I waited until later, and went around ten-almost-eleven o’clock. On the treadmill, I started with three minutes of brisk walking, then upped the pace and started to run. I paid attention to my stride, focusing on the landing of my feet, trying to avoid the dreaded heel-strike. It’s harder than it looks, after a life-time of being a heel-striker. However, it’s working. Pain is down to a minimum, and my ankle only started acting up when I slowed my run to a walk. That is when I started stepping differently as I walked, landing more on the balls of my feet than I would normally. And the pain… left. So I really think it’s all about the gait, the stride, the step. As this is only day two of The New Walk/Run Style, we shall see. Here’s to hoping!

I ran a total of fifteen minutes altogether (a first for me!!). Seven minutes, then two, then four, then two more. I was pretty pleased.

After my run/walk, I stretched for several minutes. It felt great. Then I decided to go ahead and give the Stairmaster a try. It’s something I’ve wanted to try since I started going to the gym.

I did twenty minutes, 1.06 miles, 40 “floors”. And it was not easy. One of the strangest workouts ever; very low impact, but really got my heart rate up. I sweat like a crazy woman; I was sweating in places I didn’t know you could sweat! I simultaneously felt awesome and like I was about to tip backwards in a sweaty heap.

I feel sore in places I haven’t in a long while, but so far, so good. I guess we’ll see how it affects me on the morrow. Hopefully I can move more than just my thumbs come morning!

All in all, today was a good day. I am happy :)

Running In Dramatic Motion

I felt silly. I knew that what I was doing was better for me overall, but I felt like I was a high-stepper. It didn’t feel “natural”. I felt like I was prancing, although seriously, how does one prance on a treadmill?

So I tried the new stride, the forward running and no heel-striking thing. I got nothing for time and distance but my ankle didn’t hurt! I mean, it ached a little when I switched to walking but I think that had more to do with my lack of stretching (sorry, Bean, gotta stretch a little first) than my stride. So even though I think I only actually ran about seven minutes total, and no more than three minutes consecutively, I still color today a success.

I like my goal for this week. I’m starting to come out of that funk that plagued me all last week, and instead of comparing myself to myself, or anyone else, I’m approaching each day and each week for what it is; a new chance. Everyday I get up and go and run is a day that I chose to move instead of not.

I can’t look at how well I did last week, or even the day before, and expect to always do that well (or better) every time I run or I’m just going to set myself up for disappointment. And frankly, I’m too new at this business of running to let myself get disappointed with my performance. I’m not good at it yet; I’m not saying that because I think I suck, I’m saying that because I really am not good at it yet. But I WILL be. That’s why I’m doing this- one day, I WILL be good at it, and THEN I can have expectations of myself.

Right now I’m good at getting up and making myself go. I’m good at tying my laces and getting on that treadmill and moving my ass. And if I do that enough times, and keep at it, I will be a good runner. Not good in comparison to anyone else, but good enough for me. This is MY race, not anyone else’s, and the only person who can defeat me is me.

So high-stepping or whatever, as goofy as it might look, as much as I might sweat and moan and flop all over the place, I’m doing it, I really am, and right now, that is good enough.

Recap

I haven’t been writing here for two reasons; one, I’ve been busy. It’s winding down til Christmas, and I’ve been doing a lot in preparation for that. And two, I’ve been really frustrated with my training. Lemme ‘splain…

Last Saturday, the twelfth, I woke up a lot later than I usually do. The Man and I had a ton to do that day, and company coming over, so I put the kibosh on working out. I even had a cocktail at lunch, so sure was I that I would not be going to they gym. Well, late that afternoon I decided to NOT skip my workout, and went. It was a mistake- I really shouldn’t have gone. I performed terribly, and felt mad at myself for a)said performance and b)for going at all! I decided that I would skip Sunday and hit it again on Monday.

Monday came, and I went. I had a hard time getting my head into it, so disheartened was I by my poor prior performance on Saturday. Understand that up until Saturday, I had met every goal I’d set for myself, and in a lot cases, smashed it! So to do so badly really caused a lot of distress for me. This whole journey is one made up mostly of will power, and this one bad day was playing hell on my positive thinking. I am prone to not believing in myself, for being my own worst critic, and it’s hard to come out of that dark internal place.

I determined that I would return on Tuesday, and DO. IT.

And do it I did. I had my best run to date on Tuesday, ran the longest and fastest I had ever run, and felt incredible, physically. I was proud of myself, and thought that I had overcome that little hiccup of negativity. I thought that I would continue to do as well, if not better, than I had on this day.

I was wrong.

Wednesday I went. I didn’t perform as well as I had hoped, but still, I ran 13.5 minutes, total. Not a fail! Not a suckday, like Saturday! Yet I felt like I had let myself off easy. Even though when I was doing it, I felt sore and tired and my body just couldn’t do it, I really felt I had pushed it as far as I could without hurting myself… I still felt like I had let myself quit. I was disheartened. And Wednesday is also the day that my ankle really started hurting.

I skipped Thursday. I decided to give myself a mental day, to rest my ankle, to get back into the proper mindset. I really felt that I was getting my head back into the groove, and I felt excited to go to the gym the following day. I felt ready to roll. I felt like I was back on track internally.

Friday dawned, and I went. I got in 1 mile and twenty minutes with about six minutes of running. My ankle was so sore and painful, I was limping when I started walking, so again I cut it short. I begin to wonder if running is for me.

Then, today. I went because I really want to get five days a week in, and I had skipped Thursday, and frankly, after yesterday, I was anxious to get over this hump and DO IT. My ankle felt fine, and I started off strong. Good motion, good breathing. I was flying. I ran six minutes straight, then started walking, and PAIN. I did a few more minutes then got off to stretch, because this had worked before, and when I got back on, it helped but after I got rolling again, PAIN.

Dammit. I cut my workout short AGAIN. I limped back to the locker room and just sat there and evaluated what to do next. Is it the shoes? Is it my  excess weight? Is it my stride? WHAT? I want to do this, dammit!

I came home and logged onto my dailymile and saw that Shanna had posted this video. I watched it, and realized that I might be excessively heel-striking, and that is causing the ankle to hurt. I’m going to really have to be cognizant of my stride this next week, and see if that helps.

Next Monday starts Week Four of Training. I was going to make my goal for that week to run a straight eight minutes every time, but I think my goal is going to be less about time and more about correct running form. I’m going to focus on how I’m running and see if that takes care of the ankle pain.

And I’m going to write on my blog more, too. I find that when I do, I feel more motivated to run. Keeps me in the proper mindset :)

Is Good

Like yesterday, I got up early to go to the gym. The Man stayed home; he’s got a pretty bad cold, and I prefer that he get as much rest as possible. I, however, had no reason not to go, so go I did.

I was feeling really tired. Not so much because of the early hour, but because

TMI ALERT!

I’m on my period. Day two, and day two is usually the worst day. All I want to do is curl up in my pajamas with a heated pad, dark chocolate, Diet Pepsi, salty pretzels and a book.

Wait. That’s pretty much what I want to do every day :)

Anyway, because of this, I wasn’t “feelin’ it”. I half way made up my mind that I was just going to walk it out instead of run, but once I got through the stretching, and did a few minutes of brisk walking, I thought that I’d at least run a minute or two.

So I started running, and before I quite knew it, I’d ran for three minutes. I felt good, so I kept going. I passed my six minute mark, kept going. Seven came and went. Felt good. Kept going. Eight. Nine. Ten…

I stopped at ten minutes. Well, stopped running- of course I kept moving. But the thing is, I think I could have kept going… but I didn’t want to overdue it and wind up cutting my time short because I got too tired.

The point is, I ran a full ten minutes. Without stopping. Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Not even two weeks ago, when I first stepped on the treadmill, I could barely huff and puff my way through a single minute. And now, a week and a half later, I ran ten? Really?

I could barely believe it.

I still met my goal of running a total of thirteen minutes, and finished it pretty strong.

I can’t wait to see what I’ll do on Saturday! I can’t believe how well this is going. How is possible? I had no idea I could actually do this!