Building Blocks

Before I get into this, I want you to know that I am feeling pretty good- I’m not down on myself, and I’m not feeling disheartened. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the short amount of time I’ve been doing this, and I want to see how far I can go. This is something I want to be doing years and years from now.

That being said, it’s been on my mind that maybe I’m not going to be ready to run the 5K in February. No, that doesn’t mean I’m in any way quitting, and of course I’m still going. I’m excited to go. The thing is, I’m not sure that physically, I’m going to be ready to run this 5K.

I haven’t made it a secret that I’m overweight. It doesn’t bother me so much as it slows me down and wears me out. I’ve been overweight for years, by about forty-fifty pounds. It’s been fourteen years since I was at my ideal weight, and for all this time, I’ve been carrying around this extra weight.

I don’t know if I can explain what it feels like to have your mind and heart willing, but your body just not there yet. It’s not that it won’t ever be ready; it’s that it isn’t ready right now. I struggle so hard every time I run; I get worn out so quickly. Most of the time I manage to suck it up and keep going, sometimes not so much.

I feel like I’m building my body back to health, almost from the ground up. I feel like it’s performing as well as it can under the circumstances, and frankly, I’m astonished and thankful that it’s doing as well as it is! I’ve been adding more to my work outs, doing more than I could have at the beginning, building my strength and endurance, but it’s slow going. I’m not sure what my expectations were, exactly, but I’m ok with where I’m at right now.

I still have one month, one week, and one day til the 5K, and between now and then I’m going to do everything I can do to make myself ready to run it. My ultimate goal is to run the whole thing; I will settle for finishing it if I’m not quite there yet. I know I can do it, run one, but I’m not positive that I’m going to be physically ready to do it in February.

I hope that this doesn’t read like a cop-out. I don’t feel discouraged at all. I feel confident that I can do this, even if I don’t do this one the way I want to.

It’s only a matter of time, really…

 

The Only Unoccupied Treadmill

I arrived at the gym when things were in full swing, and aaaaaall the treadmills were taken- save one. The one on the very end, the one closest to the doors, the one that everyone sees when they come inside and head to wherever they’re going. I really don’t like that one. I guess because I’m still a little self-conscious about what “other people” think when they look at me. So everyone who’s coming in, or going out, walks next to that treadmill, always looks at the person on it, and today that person was me.

Yay.

Well, whatever, I thought as I mounted it. Either I can dilly-dally around and wait for someone else to leave, or I can get straight to it. I decided to get straight to it.

Still focusing very much on my stride, I started off. And then I realized something cool- there is a mirror right next to the treadmill, on the door that leads to the Big Boss’s office. A full length mirror. And I’m right next to it, in perfect position to check out my stride, and see if I’m doing it right.

I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing quite like checking yourself out when you’re running.

It definitely was a help in making sure I’m landing right. I can see that I need to work more on the heel-to-butt thing and more of a forward stride. I’m doing alright, though. Minimal pain in my ankle, and I feel better running altogether.

I think I might pick that treadmill again tomorrow…

I have two goals in mind for next week (and beyond); the first is going to be more about distance than time. A 5K is 3.1 miles and so far, I haven’t cleared 2.3 miles on the treadmill. I need to focus on making that distance; the race is about six weeks away. I usually give myself 30 minutes total on the treadmill and when the clock winds down, so do I. So I think it’s time to move forward with the distance thing and worry less about how many minutes total I’m running each day. Of course I’ll still keep a record of it, because I’m curious, but if I don’t start hitting that 3.1 mark, I’m going to be in for a surprise when I actually go do the 5K!

The other goal I have in mind is to start incorporating weight lifting into my workout. I know that I said I didn’t care about my weight so much as I do my performance, and getting healthier, but honestly, the weight is a strain on my frame and it does need to be reduced. I know that doing weight lifting and cardio helps with weight loss. And I’m feeling pretty good- my energy is good, my motivation is solid- I think I can do it now and not feel overwhelmed.

I also really like the Stairmaster, and want to add that to my workout three times a week.

So that’s where I am today! Today was a GOOD day :)

Up and Up She Goes…

I didn’t go to the gym early this morning. My second daughter (we’ll call her “Beta” [she’s 11]) has been ill and was up last nite. I had to tend to her (that whole parenting thing, you know), so when four:ten rolled around, I yelled NO! and went back to sleep.

Ok, I didn’t yell… I mumbled “… not going… too tired…” to The Man and promptly passed back out.

I waited until later, and went around ten-almost-eleven o’clock. On the treadmill, I started with three minutes of brisk walking, then upped the pace and started to run. I paid attention to my stride, focusing on the landing of my feet, trying to avoid the dreaded heel-strike. It’s harder than it looks, after a life-time of being a heel-striker. However, it’s working. Pain is down to a minimum, and my ankle only started acting up when I slowed my run to a walk. That is when I started stepping differently as I walked, landing more on the balls of my feet than I would normally. And the pain… left. So I really think it’s all about the gait, the stride, the step. As this is only day two of The New Walk/Run Style, we shall see. Here’s to hoping!

I ran a total of fifteen minutes altogether (a first for me!!). Seven minutes, then two, then four, then two more. I was pretty pleased.

After my run/walk, I stretched for several minutes. It felt great. Then I decided to go ahead and give the Stairmaster a try. It’s something I’ve wanted to try since I started going to the gym.

I did twenty minutes, 1.06 miles, 40 “floors”. And it was not easy. One of the strangest workouts ever; very low impact, but really got my heart rate up. I sweat like a crazy woman; I was sweating in places I didn’t know you could sweat! I simultaneously felt awesome and like I was about to tip backwards in a sweaty heap.

I feel sore in places I haven’t in a long while, but so far, so good. I guess we’ll see how it affects me on the morrow. Hopefully I can move more than just my thumbs come morning!

All in all, today was a good day. I am happy :)

Running In Dramatic Motion

I felt silly. I knew that what I was doing was better for me overall, but I felt like I was a high-stepper. It didn’t feel “natural”. I felt like I was prancing, although seriously, how does one prance on a treadmill?

So I tried the new stride, the forward running and no heel-striking thing. I got nothing for time and distance but my ankle didn’t hurt! I mean, it ached a little when I switched to walking but I think that had more to do with my lack of stretching (sorry, Bean, gotta stretch a little first) than my stride. So even though I think I only actually ran about seven minutes total, and no more than three minutes consecutively, I still color today a success.

I like my goal for this week. I’m starting to come out of that funk that plagued me all last week, and instead of comparing myself to myself, or anyone else, I’m approaching each day and each week for what it is; a new chance. Everyday I get up and go and run is a day that I chose to move instead of not.

I can’t look at how well I did last week, or even the day before, and expect to always do that well (or better) every time I run or I’m just going to set myself up for disappointment. And frankly, I’m too new at this business of running to let myself get disappointed with my performance. I’m not good at it yet; I’m not saying that because I think I suck, I’m saying that because I really am not good at it yet. But I WILL be. That’s why I’m doing this- one day, I WILL be good at it, and THEN I can have expectations of myself.

Right now I’m good at getting up and making myself go. I’m good at tying my laces and getting on that treadmill and moving my ass. And if I do that enough times, and keep at it, I will be a good runner. Not good in comparison to anyone else, but good enough for me. This is MY race, not anyone else’s, and the only person who can defeat me is me.

So high-stepping or whatever, as goofy as it might look, as much as I might sweat and moan and flop all over the place, I’m doing it, I really am, and right now, that is good enough.

Recap

I haven’t been writing here for two reasons; one, I’ve been busy. It’s winding down til Christmas, and I’ve been doing a lot in preparation for that. And two, I’ve been really frustrated with my training. Lemme ‘splain…

Last Saturday, the twelfth, I woke up a lot later than I usually do. The Man and I had a ton to do that day, and company coming over, so I put the kibosh on working out. I even had a cocktail at lunch, so sure was I that I would not be going to they gym. Well, late that afternoon I decided to NOT skip my workout, and went. It was a mistake- I really shouldn’t have gone. I performed terribly, and felt mad at myself for a)said performance and b)for going at all! I decided that I would skip Sunday and hit it again on Monday.

Monday came, and I went. I had a hard time getting my head into it, so disheartened was I by my poor prior performance on Saturday. Understand that up until Saturday, I had met every goal I’d set for myself, and in a lot cases, smashed it! So to do so badly really caused a lot of distress for me. This whole journey is one made up mostly of will power, and this one bad day was playing hell on my positive thinking. I am prone to not believing in myself, for being my own worst critic, and it’s hard to come out of that dark internal place.

I determined that I would return on Tuesday, and DO. IT.

And do it I did. I had my best run to date on Tuesday, ran the longest and fastest I had ever run, and felt incredible, physically. I was proud of myself, and thought that I had overcome that little hiccup of negativity. I thought that I would continue to do as well, if not better, than I had on this day.

I was wrong.

Wednesday I went. I didn’t perform as well as I had hoped, but still, I ran 13.5 minutes, total. Not a fail! Not a suckday, like Saturday! Yet I felt like I had let myself off easy. Even though when I was doing it, I felt sore and tired and my body just couldn’t do it, I really felt I had pushed it as far as I could without hurting myself… I still felt like I had let myself quit. I was disheartened. And Wednesday is also the day that my ankle really started hurting.

I skipped Thursday. I decided to give myself a mental day, to rest my ankle, to get back into the proper mindset. I really felt that I was getting my head back into the groove, and I felt excited to go to the gym the following day. I felt ready to roll. I felt like I was back on track internally.

Friday dawned, and I went. I got in 1 mile and twenty minutes with about six minutes of running. My ankle was so sore and painful, I was limping when I started walking, so again I cut it short. I begin to wonder if running is for me.

Then, today. I went because I really want to get five days a week in, and I had skipped Thursday, and frankly, after yesterday, I was anxious to get over this hump and DO IT. My ankle felt fine, and I started off strong. Good motion, good breathing. I was flying. I ran six minutes straight, then started walking, and PAIN. I did a few more minutes then got off to stretch, because this had worked before, and when I got back on, it helped but after I got rolling again, PAIN.

Dammit. I cut my workout short AGAIN. I limped back to the locker room and just sat there and evaluated what to do next. Is it the shoes? Is it my  excess weight? Is it my stride? WHAT? I want to do this, dammit!

I came home and logged onto my dailymile and saw that Shanna had posted this video. I watched it, and realized that I might be excessively heel-striking, and that is causing the ankle to hurt. I’m going to really have to be cognizant of my stride this next week, and see if that helps.

Next Monday starts Week Four of Training. I was going to make my goal for that week to run a straight eight minutes every time, but I think my goal is going to be less about time and more about correct running form. I’m going to focus on how I’m running and see if that takes care of the ankle pain.

And I’m going to write on my blog more, too. I find that when I do, I feel more motivated to run. Keeps me in the proper mindset :)

Is Good

Like yesterday, I got up early to go to the gym. The Man stayed home; he’s got a pretty bad cold, and I prefer that he get as much rest as possible. I, however, had no reason not to go, so go I did.

I was feeling really tired. Not so much because of the early hour, but because

TMI ALERT!

I’m on my period. Day two, and day two is usually the worst day. All I want to do is curl up in my pajamas with a heated pad, dark chocolate, Diet Pepsi, salty pretzels and a book.

Wait. That’s pretty much what I want to do every day :)

Anyway, because of this, I wasn’t “feelin’ it”. I half way made up my mind that I was just going to walk it out instead of run, but once I got through the stretching, and did a few minutes of brisk walking, I thought that I’d at least run a minute or two.

So I started running, and before I quite knew it, I’d ran for three minutes. I felt good, so I kept going. I passed my six minute mark, kept going. Seven came and went. Felt good. Kept going. Eight. Nine. Ten…

I stopped at ten minutes. Well, stopped running- of course I kept moving. But the thing is, I think I could have kept going… but I didn’t want to overdue it and wind up cutting my time short because I got too tired.

The point is, I ran a full ten minutes. Without stopping. Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Not even two weeks ago, when I first stepped on the treadmill, I could barely huff and puff my way through a single minute. And now, a week and a half later, I ran ten? Really?

I could barely believe it.

I still met my goal of running a total of thirteen minutes, and finished it pretty strong.

I can’t wait to see what I’ll do on Saturday! I can’t believe how well this is going. How is possible? I had no idea I could actually do this!

Early In The Morning, Indeed

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I am something of a lazy creature. I like to lounge and read. I like to lounge and watch TV. I like to lounge and play on the computer. Basically, I like to lounge. So this whole working out deal has really cut into my lounging time. Even though my children are in school most days, I still have a hard time giving up that precious lounging time and going to the gym.

I came up with a solution.

Instead of sacrificing my measly six hours of kid-free time, I decided it was an even BETTER idea to get up super early and go to the gym. This has a few benefits- one, obviously, when I’m done, I’m done for the entire day. And two, the gym is a lot less crowded super early as there are not as many people willing to give up their sleep for the gym, not when they can do it “later”.

Since I go to bed early anyway, getting up an earlier than my normal time is really not that big a deal.

AND, The Man is also on board with this going to the gym super early in the morning. He says that when he gets home from work, getting into the mindset to go to the gym is hard because he just wants to relax, eat dinner, be done with the day. He suggested that we start going together… starting today. So we did.

The gym at 4:30 am is a lot quieter than the gym at 9:00.

Anyway, I met my goal today! I did my six and thirteen- I started out by running seven minutes, then walked some, then ran six more minutes. I actually did thirty-five minutes instead of just thirty, but five of that was to warm up. I stretched, then got back on for my actual workout.

I was pretty pleased overall. Everyday I do a little more than I thought I could. Everyday I work a little harder, a little longer, and I do better than the day before. Slow, but progressive.

I’m only in week two, and even I’m amazed at what my body has been capable of. I remember getting on that treadmill on the first day of training and barely managing four minutes, total, of running, and only two consecutive minutes together. I get so excited everyday after my workout, because in some small way I manage to exceed my expectations.

That is really cool.

Six Minutes of Success

I went to the gym earlier than usual this morning, getting my workout in between dropping off the younger kids at their school and the teenager to hers. I’ve now started week two of training, and I feel awesome. My head is really in this. I wish that my body would hurry and catch up, though… I want to RUN!

I started my workout by walking about three minutes, then running. I was going to run for four minutes, but felt so good that I kept going until I hit the six minute mark. I think I could have gone even longer than six minutes, but I didn’t want to overdo it. That’s been another problem that I have, is that I throw myself into working out so hard that I wear myself out and tear myself up and just quit entirely. So I have to remind myself to take it slow, that it’s alright to pace myself.

Anyway, I’ve decided on two goals for this week; the first one is to maintain at least thirteen minutes total of running (out of thirty). The second is to run at least one six minute stretch non-stop every time I get on the treadmill. If I do more than thirteen minutes of running, or more than six minutes in one shot, cool. But the goal is to maintain this as my minimum for success for this week. Next Tuesday I’ll step it up, depending on how I feel and how well I’ve done this week.

I’m so excited! It’s only been a week and I see little successes with almost every workout. Every day I do a little more, a little more. It’s really cool. I really think that by the time February sixth rolls around, if I’m not able to run the entire 5K, I’ll be really, really close.

I think that next week I’ll add a cross-training day, too. Mondays at my gym they have Zumba classes and they look like a lot of fun. I’m not adding weights to my workout until I’ve been doing this running thing for at least one month, but I think doing something besides running might be good for me. Mix it up a little. Keep it interesting.

Today was a good day. I hope tomorrow is, too!

Disappointment and Progress

Weeeelllll. My workout today was… not that great.

My schedule is as follows- go Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, off Friday, go Saturday and Sunday, off Monday. I went yesterday morning, and had a GREAT workout. Then we went out last nite with some friends- stayed up late- so when I got up this morning I was pretty tired.

I put off going til late this afternoon (mistake number one).

I ate a lot of junk food today (mistake number two).

I didn’t hydrate hardly at all (mistake number three).

So when I got to the gym, I was already kinda tired. I wanted to work out, I felt good enough to, but just… dragging a little.

I hop on the treadmill, start going. I walk briskly for the first three minutes, then started running. I ran four minutes and thirty seconds. I felt pretty good, considering. Stiff, but good. Heart rate was good, felt like I was in the zone, determined to add another minute to my running time.

Theeeen my ankles started to hurt at the ten minute mark. This has been a problem in the past, and the number one reason why I cut my workouts short. Not this time, I told myself, determined to just muscle through it. I push myself. I watch the way my feet are landing, the lift of each step, how I’m stepping, adjusting… to no avail. It HURTS. It seems to be getting more painful with each step.

I think, well, it doesn’t hurt when I run, so I’m gonna run. Let me add that at this point, honestly, I just want to get off the treadmill entirely. Although I started out strong, I am dragging. I am tired. I just don’t wanna!

But, I run instead. I manage four minutes. Then I slow it down again, thinking that maybe I had run the pain out of the muscles in my ankles, but nope. Still hurts. If anything, it feels worse than before.

So at the twenty minute mark, with only eight minutes and thirty seconds of running under my belt, I hit “stop” and get off the treadmill. I head over to the back of the gym where they have mats spread out. I do some deep stretching, focusing on my ankles, and relax. After about seven minutes of this, I get up, go back to the treadmills, and get back on. I walked for a few minutes, and no pain. The stretching seemed to have done the trick. Not a twinge, not a thing. Pain all gone.

However, my body was still tired. I wanted to stop and go home. Instead, I sped the pace up and ran for three minutes. Then I slowed it back down, walked some. Then ran two more minutes.

Aaaand at that point, I was done. Done, done, done. My head wasn’t in it, my body was tired, I felt heart sore with disappointment at my lack of motivation.

I felt like I had given up.

I ran a total of thirteen minutes and thirty seconds which is actually three minutes longer than yesterday. So why do I feel like I didn’t do the best I could today?

Ugh. Tuesday will be better. I deem it so!

Been Awhile!

Sometimes things don’t go as planned, know what I mean?

Sooo my last entry was back in June. I can’t remember what exactly happened, but for one reason or another, The Man and I quit running. We didn’t say we quit back then, of course, no… more like, put it off. Only, we kinda didn’t get back to it for… um. A long time.

I decided that maybe we should join a gym. The thing with running around The Lake is that it’s really hard on the body. Up inclines, gopher holes, ditches, logs, rocks… I think that it was harder than it needed to be for beginner runners like the two of us.

So a couple months ago, we joined the local gym. I went the first week by myself, still with vague notions of wanting to be a runner and lose some weight, The Man wanting to get back into shape. I think we made it about two straight weeks of working out. Well, I went three, since I started a week before he did. I even lost my first pound!

And then… meh. Again, we started putting it off.

*shrugs*

So. That brings us to today. I still haven’t given up my desire to be a runner, but I realized that I had to come at it from a different angle. I talked about this in length with my best friend Shanna, and she said that maybe I just needed a goal to work towards. Instead of going to go, maybe I needed to go for a reason. So she offered to sign me up for a 5K (and pay for it!) so how could refuse? I took up that challenge, and although I’m only into week one of training, it seems to be working!

I don’t feel like I’m “just” working out to get healthier (although, a very lofty and important goal, don’t get me wrong) and lose weight. As important as those things may be, for whatever reason, they aren’t even on my radar right now. More like, I know it’ll happen BECAUSE I’m training for my first 5K.

I’ve approached it the same way I approached writing a paper in college- I have to do research, get down an outline, write the first draft, fix it, write the second draft, fix THAT, then write the paper and turn it in. I always received top grades for my papers.

I know that running and writing are two different things entirely, but I’ve latched onto the mentality of the thing, is what I’m saying. Everyday I go to the gym, as I monitor my time and distance, get my maintainable speed and pace, I feel like I’m in the “doing research” phase of this thing. I don’t know how long this phase will last, probably until I can run more than ten minutes at one time without stopping. Then I can get into the “first draft” phase, where I run the time I can run without stopping, consistently, adjusting the way my feet land, my arms move, my breathing, my overall motion, my pace, and then I’ll move onto the phase two, the “second draft” where I actually start working on adding another minute every run until I hit that thirty minute mark of non-stop running. The finished project will be, of course, the actual 5K itself.

So that’s what I’m doing, and I really like how I feel and where my head is at. I have discovered that running is based on as much as what is going on upstairs as well as the body. Can’t do it if you don’t want it!