Still Runnin’…

Where does the time go? I’ve been meaning to journal the past two days, put it off to do other stuff, and before I know it, the day is over. So here I am, late. At least it’s better than never, eh?

So where was I? Oh yeah, week two, days two and three. Is it bad that the days are starting to blur a little?

Day two was difficult for me physically. I ran the whole thing, but I really struggled. However, I’m feeling better and getting my breath back faster, so I know it’s getting easier to do. And when the two minutes running part is up, I feel like I could go a little longer, so I guess that’s progress, too.

Yesterday we went in the evening, and again, it was really hard for me. The Man just seems to DO IT. I seem to fight and struggle for every damn step. Yesterday is the closest I have come to giving up so far. I really feel like I’ve hit this mental wall of resistance; it’s getting really hard for me to keep up the internal pep talking.

I’ve been feeling this coming on for the past few days, so it wasn’t a surprise. I have talked to The Man and Shanna about it, and they’re encouraging, and I need that. But still, they can’t run it for me, and they can’t give me the motivation to want it; that has to come from me. And that’s the hard part. My body is so out of shape that running is really hard. I want to do it; I hate doing it. Make sense?

After the run, I had to seriously put things into perspective. The thing is, I stayed out really late Sunday nite, and only got about 3 and a half hours of sleep. Then I had a busy day Monday, which would have worn me out in normal circumstances, but that coupled with the late nite made me more tired than usual. Throw running on top of it, and me being really out of shape, and no wonder I was just not doing all that great.

I am still just as determined as when I first set out to do this; maybe even more so. I will not let running defeat me! I won’t let my own messed up head and thought process take this from me. I made a vow to finish, and finish I mean to do. And THEN if I still hate it, THEN I’ll quit and find something else to do. At least then I’ll be able to make an informed decision, and not quit because I’m being a wuss and big boob.

At least I can run. My issues are more of a mental thing than a physical thing; I’m out of shape, not handicapped. I can imagine that there are countless people out there who would love to get up and run, to have that as an option. How can I just sit here, day in and day out, abuse my body with bad food and neglect and not do anything to change it? I have a choice. I have options. I’m this way because I’ve chosen to be this way, by my inaction. I would rather pay the price of struggling at the beginning of this running thing, and everything that comes with it, to get into shape, than pay the longer term price of health issues later in the future.

So that’s where I’m at right now. I hope that this evening’s running goes better. I feel more rested, I feel good. I hope I kick it in the ass today! I’ll keep you posted :)

Peace.