And She Ran… She Ran So Far Away…

Ok, not really. But run she did! (and by she, I mean… me)

Ok, so. We get to The Lake, stretch, and take off. First set, good. Second set, good. We’ve started running two, walking three instead of four. Third set… eh. I was getting really tired. My legs were having issues with moving. By the fourth set, I only ran one minute, and walked the rest. And the final set, the fifth one, I was doggedly running up this incline, get to the top, reeeeally straining but still going… and my shoe comes untied. I paused to tie it, then resumed running.

Maybe because I had flagged out on my fourth set, maybe because I was feeling like a big weeny, maybe because I could, I kept running after the two minutes were up. The Man, who did not cut any of his sets short, was done and walked a bit to cool down. Me, I kept on for a minute more, turned around and ran back.

This is getting to be much more difficult. I thought the first week was hard, but this week is harder. I don’t know why, it just is. I think it’s that mentality of “this hurts, this is hard, I can’t, I can quit, it’ll be alright if I quit, this is really hard…. blah blah blah blah”. All the usual bullshit I tell myself when I want to cease and desist doing something. The thing that frustrates me is that when I’m NOT running, I look forward to running. I pump myself UP. I really think that I can DO IT.

Aaaand then I hit the trail, and after that second set, it suddenly seems impossible. I try and tell myself, stop being a weeny and THINK POSITIVE! but my thighs feel like they weigh twenty pounds more than normal and it’s hard to breathe and it’s hard to keep doing it. And all of my doubts and weenieness comes to the fore. I want to quit. I want to stop and just walk. I start to tell myself, it’s ok if you become a walker. I start to think, this is too hard for you. I even told The Man today that maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a runner.

And that just pisses me off! Why can’t I be a runner? Ok, so I’m not going to break any records, big deal! And I might not ever run more than a few miles. So what! What matters is that I’m OUT THERE, DOING IT. The beginning is the hardest part. I have to keep that in mind!

I talk a good game. I just wish that when I’m out there, running, I could keep up that litany of positive thinking. I wish I were tougher mentally.

However, I’m still determined to finish what I started. Even if takes me a year. Everyday, run (except Fridays). Everyday til I can run the thirty minutes without stopping.

So be it.

Peace.