Before I get into this, I want you to know that I am feeling pretty good- I’m not down on myself, and I’m not feeling disheartened. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the short amount of time I’ve been doing this, and I want to see how far I can go. This is something I want to be doing years and years from now.
That being said, it’s been on my mind that maybe I’m not going to be ready to run the 5K in February. No, that doesn’t mean I’m in any way quitting, and of course I’m still going. I’m excited to go. The thing is, I’m not sure that physically, I’m going to be ready to run this 5K.
I haven’t made it a secret that I’m overweight. It doesn’t bother me so much as it slows me down and wears me out. I’ve been overweight for years, by about forty-fifty pounds. It’s been fourteen years since I was at my ideal weight, and for all this time, I’ve been carrying around this extra weight.
I don’t know if I can explain what it feels like to have your mind and heart willing, but your body just not there yet. It’s not that it won’t ever be ready; it’s that it isn’t ready right now. I struggle so hard every time I run; I get worn out so quickly. Most of the time I manage to suck it up and keep going, sometimes not so much.
I feel like I’m building my body back to health, almost from the ground up. I feel like it’s performing as well as it can under the circumstances, and frankly, I’m astonished and thankful that it’s doing as well as it is! I’ve been adding more to my work outs, doing more than I could have at the beginning, building my strength and endurance, but it’s slow going. I’m not sure what my expectations were, exactly, but I’m ok with where I’m at right now.
I still have one month, one week, and one day til the 5K, and between now and then I’m going to do everything I can do to make myself ready to run it. My ultimate goal is to run the whole thing; I will settle for finishing it if I’m not quite there yet. I know I can do it, run one, but I’m not positive that I’m going to be physically ready to do it in February.
I hope that this doesn’t read like a cop-out. I don’t feel discouraged at all. I feel confident that I can do this, even if I don’t do this one the way I want to.
It’s only a matter of time, really…
You asked me what I thought about this particular post? I think that if you surprised yourself by your mile today you may also be surprised by where you are in that one month one week and less than a day!!! Keep going, don't sell yourself short and really truly give it all you've got. I'm SO impressed and proud of the way you've jumped in feet first, done research, are willing to adopt any method that sounds like it could help you perform even better and really embraced running! *I* know you can do this and can't wait to see where you go from here!
ReplyDelete